Can't Sleep

A friend of mine reminded me that blogging can be a great stress reliever.  Not that I’m really that stressed right now.  I’m just in the midst of cutting every bad, unhealthy habit out of my life.  No big deal.  48 hours without it all is good right?  I feel like it’s good.  I can’t fucking sleep though.  My body needs THC to properly shut itself down at the end of the day, and without that it appears that I shall be awake all damn night.  No matter, I’m actually somewhat enjoying it to be honest.  I won’t tomorrow at my 9am class, but sometimes (to quote a great old Tom Cruise movie) you just gotta say, “what the fuck”.

People say that you shouldn’t try to quit all of your habits at once.  ”You’re setting yourself up to fail” and all that shit.  But “what the fuck”, it’s all gotta happen sometime.  Mind you I have tried this technique before, and it has Failed (yes, that’s right, with a capital).  But there has been some significant change in my life since we last spoke: I was diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder.  Surprised?  I wasn’t either.  However, this means I now take medication, which seems to help me out of this endless spiral of depression and mania.  I feel a lot more normal (gasp), and also like I have the willpower to succeed this time.  I guess I’ll find out, one way or another.

I was kind of hesitant about revealing my condition to the world, and I may end up regretting it, but tonight a friend of a friend revealed that he was diagnosed with depression, and immediately all I wanted to do was to talk with him.  I wanted to explain as much as I could about the situation he is now in and help him on his way to gaining more control over his life, as I have over these past few months.  So I figure that maybe someone else with a similar condition may someday stumble across my incredibly small corner of the internet and take some comfort in the knowledge that he/she is not alone in his/her battle with a mental disorder.

Don’t really know what else to talk about, so I’m probably just gonna ramble on about my day for the next paragraph.  I feel like today was productive.  I hit the gym (gasp), completed two assignments (one was overdue), went to dinner with a good friend, though the conversation was a little intense at points (you know who you are), and finally had a random 3-hour chat with my roommate.  I like our chats a lot.  We have a solid one about once a week, and there is nothing I would rather be doing during that time.  She’s like the sister I never had.

Hmmmm, anything else to talk about?  Maybe tomorrow.  I’m sure I’ll have a craving at some point that blogging will help me get through.